


Nothing Matters (When We're Dancing)

by Wolvesta



Series: Wolf’s Den of 9-1-1 Stories [9]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Engagement, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Inspired By Sense8, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Non-Graphic Smut, Post Eddie Begins, This got away from me, no beta we die like women, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23830537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolvesta/pseuds/Wolvesta
Summary: Now Buck was constantly in his space, touching him at every presented opportunity, and basically not leaving him alone for even a moment. Eddie has tried to quietly ask Buck to please leave him alone for a little bit, but he’s not getting the message. He can’t even get up from the couch and go into the kitchen without Buck trying to watch him or follow him.It becomes too much and Eddie snaps“Would you quit it?! Just leave me alone for 5 minutes! I need a few minutes without being smothered!”...“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be exhausting, I just needed to make myself believe that you were still alive…and that I didn’t lose you”OrBuck and Eddie's aftermath of Eddie Begins(Established Buddie)
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Wolf’s Den of 9-1-1 Stories [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551724
Comments: 18
Kudos: 346





	Nothing Matters (When We're Dancing)

_🎵Dance with me, my old friend_

_Once before we go_

_Let's pretend this song won't end_

_And we never have to go home_

_And we'll dance among the chandeliers🎵  
_

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Buck hadn’t felt this much panic and despair since the tsunami. Eddie is still underground and the water is rising too fast. He can feel Bobby holding him back as he tries to dig his way down. He knows he looks like an idiot, trying to dig Eddie out with his hands, but he can’t just stand around. He needs to do something, but Bobby pulls him back as Buck slumps to the ground, crying at the mere thought that Eddie is alone down there.

“Come on Buck” Bobby says as he pulls him further away from the now covered hole. He weakly struggles against the captain, who simply gathers Buck against him tighter. Buck then lets out a cry of anguish and slumps against the captain.

“We’re going to get him out of there”

“I-I can’t lose him! I won’t leave him!” Buck shoots up and tries to crawl over, but Bobby stops him again.

“We aren’t going to Buck, we’re going to get him out of there” Bobby says again but Buck can hear the hesitation in his voice, and he swears he can feel his heart stop. Buck doesn’t know how he goes through the motions of listening to Bobby and watching everyone gather around to begin the search for Eddie. He feels numb all over, and he knows that Eddie is alive, he can feel it deep inside of him, but he’s worried. He almost lost his son to the water…and now this?

“Eddie?” Buck’s head shoots up at the question and sees Bobby looks behind him. Buck turns around, tearing in relief when he sees Eddie limping over. Buck’s body moves before his brain can catch up, he feels himself run towards Eddie, who is reaching for him.

“Eddie!” Buck practically screams and he can see the relief in Eddie’s eyes when he sees Buck.

“Buck…” Eddie says as he falls to his knees, but he is caught by Buck and Bobby. Soon Hen and Chim all rush to Eddie, all relieved that he’s alive.

“Got a big day Friday…I can’t miss it” Buck wants to laugh at this, but all he can think about is how _close_ he was to losing Eddie for good this time. He doesn’t say anything, but lets Hen and Chim Eddie over to the ambulance to get checked out. Buck busies himself with putting a blanket to prevent shock around Eddie, checking his temperature, and ignoring the worried looks Eddie is sending his way.

_Not yet…_

_Just a little longer…_

_Don’t break down yet_

Eddie needs him to be strong now, he pulls out his wet phone and sighs as he sees the missed messages from Carla. He texts her what happened in short details as says they should be home within the next 3 hours. Without waiting for a reply, he hears Hen call out to him, saying that they are going to take him to the hospital, just in case. Buck nods and gives Eddie a smile, silently saying he’ll meet him there.

He doesn’t go to the hospital right away, he sees the truck pulling into the station and he wonders when they got there. He doesn’t get out until he hears a gentle knock. He doesn’t look up to see what it is though, he continues to stare at the floor of the truck.

“Buck? You with me?” It’s Bobby. He asks again, quietly and Buck looks up after a moment. Bobby can see the unshed tears, threatening to spill over. He blinks and they do, one after another.

“…I almost lost him” Buck says before breaking down quietly. He covers his eyes with his hands and curls into himself. This isn’t right, he should be crying, Eddie is alive…that’s all that matters. But he can’t stop crying, and Bobby seems to understand. Bobby takes a seat in front of Buck and pulls him into a hug. Buck breaks down even more, crying until it hurts. He doesn’t know how long he cries, but soon, nothing by dry heaving is coming out. Buck pulls away and wipes his eyes.

“Bobby..I-i”

“I know you almost lost him…and it’s ok to feel this way. But right now, let’s get you cleaned up so you can go get Eddie. Then you can cry together ok? I’m giving you _both_ the week off to just get some R&R ok?” Bobby says and Buck feels a little bit more put together, but the grief is still there. He knows it won’t go away until he sees Eddie.

{~}{~}

He feels every nerve in his body shaking as he walks to where Eddie’s room is. Hen and Chim are still with him, so he isn’t too worried, but he can feel the tears beginning to come up again as he stands next to the door of where Eddie is being held. He wants nothing more than to burst into the room and squeeze Eddie until he pops, never letting him go. But his legs are like jelly, he can’t make himself move. He hesitantly peers into the room and his heart squeezes as tears well up in his eyes as he sees Eddie…laughing. Laughing as if he didn’t just almost die. A selfish part of him wants to think that Eddie isn’t as torn up about this as he is, but he knows Eddie. Knows that he is waiting for the right time to nurse himself in front of no one.

Buck feels himself freeze as Eddie looks ahead and his expression instantly changes. It goes from a smile to a confused stare to instant relief. Eddie looks like he wants to reach out to Buck, but can’t because he is stuck in the bed.

“Buck” Eddie says and it has Hen and Chim look to the door as well and Buck hates that he takes a step back, out of sight from the occupants in the room. He tries to compose himself before going inside, Eddie needs him. This is not about him, he needs to be strong right now. Buck jolts when he feels hands on his shoulders, he looks up to see Hen, giving him a small smile.

“He’s going to be ok Buckaroo. Doctor’s say he can go home tonight. You’ll have your boy home by tonight” Hen says light-heartedly, hoping that it can lift Buck’s mood, but it doesn’t. Buck, still looking at Hen, tears up again. He hesitantly looks to the room:

“Why does water take the people I love?” Buck asks, tears slowly rising down his face. He sniffs as he wipes his tears, squaring his shoulders and gently shakes off Hen’s hands. Ignoring their expressions, he walks into Eddie’s room.

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Eddie had been discharged that same hour. Buck had helped Eddie into the car, and as they drove home, they hadn’t said anything. Too many emotions running through their heads. But Eddie did not let go of Buck’s hand the entire ride home. The moment Carla opened the door, Christopher barreled into his dad, hugging him close and tight. And while Eddie was still filthy, he didn’t care, he had to hold his son close.

“Hi dad” Chris says and Eddie simply holds him tighter. Eddie turns around, wanting to bring Buck into the mix too, but he sees him waving Carla goodbye. After that, it’s standard nighttime routine. They silently agree not to tell Chris what happened, Buck volunteering to put Chris to bed, but Eddie silent asks to do it. Buck steps aside and Eddie walks into the room.

Buck meanwhile busies himself again, getting some fresh comfortable clothes for Eddie, knowing that he will want to shower to get all the filth off of him. He hears Eddie come into the room and Buck smiles at him, hoping that Eddie will buy it.

“Buck-“

“Come on love, you look exhausted.” Buck pulls him into the bathroom and slowly begins to strip him out of his dirty clothes. Buck grimaces at the state of Eddie’s clothes, they are ruined, but it’s just mud, so nothing a wash can’t fix. After slowly stripping Eddie down, he turns on the shower and slowly pushes Eddie into the shower. He’s about to leave the room but a hand comes out from the curtain door and grips onto Buck’s hand. He turns and sees Eddie asking a silent question. Buck gives him a small smile and gently kisses Eddie on the forehead, despite the dirty water that’s caking his face.

“Sit…I’ll take care of you” Buck promises silently as he guides Eddie to sit on the bathroom seat they keep for Christopher. He finds himself unable to stand up anymore, his legs are jelly and weak from being in a tight space for a long time. Buck switches the shower to the removable head and brings it down to rinse the dirt off. They watch as the brown-reddish water circles the drain. Eddie feels himself relaxing more and more as Buck washes more of the call off of him.

“Can I wash your hair?” Buck asks quietly, adding more intimacy to the atmosphere of the bathroom. Eddie nods and feels himself sags against the tiles of the shower wall when Buck takes extra care in washing his hair. Covering the top of his forehead so shampoo doesn’t get in his eyes and in the cuts on his face. Once his hair is all clean, Eddie can feel himself being shaken awake.

“Don’t fall asleep now…just stay awake a little bit longer ok?” Once Buck deems Eddie is clean, he shuts the water off and Eddie can feel himself getting a little cold again. Buck steps out of the room and comes back with a towel to wrap around Eddie. Who groans at the heat coming out of the towel.

“I put everything in the dryer…hopefully, it can warm you up a little” Buck says and Eddie turns to him but frowns when Buck still hasn’t looked at him.

“Buck-“

“Ok, up we go Eddie. Let’s get you dressed” Eddie wants to interrupt but Buck gently dries him off before sitting him down on the closed lid of the toilet. Buck comes back and sees that Eddie is dressed in clean dry underwear. Buck slips a long-sleeved crewneck over Eddie’s head before helping him into some warm pants. Eddie sighs at the heat engulfing his body, chasing most of the coldness away. Buck takes the towel from Eddie and runs it through his hair. Eddie tilts his face up when he feels Buck’s hand under his chin. He looks up and sees that Buck is looking at the small cuts on Eddie’s face.

“I’m ok amor…I’m still here” Eddie says, but he feels like it’s the wrong thing to say when he sees Buck tense and emotions run through his eyes. But he manages to steel his features before giving a small smile.

“I know…you have some small cuts on your face” Buck says before rubbing some topical ointment onto the cuts to prevent infection. Buck then stares at Eddie before kissing his forehead again. Whispering that it’s time for bed. Buck pushes Eddie towards the bed who then lies down. The exhaustion of the day weighing him down. Eddie knows sleep may or may not escape him tonight, he doesn’t know how the night will go. But he does know that someone is missing. He looks over to see Buck standing nervously by the door, fidgeting with his hands.

“Buck…come to bed” Eddie reaches out and Buck doesn’t hesitate to climb in. Knowing damn well he won’t be able to fall asleep tonight, but he’ll take the sleepless night, just to feel Eddie’s heartbeat. Buck slides his hand over the heart and sighs as he feels it pulsate under his hand. He then hears Eddie begin to snore, knowing that he is exhausted and he needs to sleep.

{~}{~}

Two days have gone by since the incident, and Buck has been by his side since he brought Eddie home. And while Eddie found it grounding and assuring that Buck would make sure he has everything he needs…it’s getting a little old. He needs a few minutes to process what happened to him.

Bobby has not so subtly suggested that he go see Frank again. And while Eddie understands why he has to do it, but he’s delaying it until after Friday, which is about three days away. Eddie woke up the day after the incident and Buck was practically glued into his side. At the time, he simply rolled over and let him be. But now he was constantly in his space, touching him at every presented opportunity, and basically not leaving him alone for even a moment. Eddie has tried to quietly ask Buck to please leave him alone for a little bit, but he’s not getting the message. He can’t even get up from the couch and go into the kitchen without Buck trying to watch him or follow him.

_It becomes too much and Eddie snaps_

“Would you quit it?! Just leave me alone for 5 minutes! I need a few minutes without being smothered!” Eddie says, panting by the time he finishes his rant. He regrets the words the moment they leave his mouth and he feels his heartbreak at the thought that he just ruined everything. The feeling only intensifies when he sees pain and _hurt_ shine in Buck’s eyes. He thanks the stars that Christopher is at school, because he _seriously_ doesn’t need to watch his dad lose his temper at Buck. He looks up and Eddie’s heart hurts when he sees the look of utter _heartbreak_ on his face.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be exhausting, I just needed to make myself believe that you were still alive…and that I didn’t lose you” Buck says quietly and Eddie extends his arms, wanting to reach out to Buck but stops when Buck takes a step back.

“Buck…wait” Eddie closes his eyes and tries to breathe through the onslaught of emotions that hit him.

“It’s fine Eddie…Buck says simply before turning around and leaving into another room. Eddie slumps into the chair and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. He didn’t mean to snap at Buck, but having him hover is just annoying him. He tries to think of what to say to him, but nothing comes to mind

“Fuck!” Eddie slams his hand against the table, he really messed up. He feels vibrations coming from his phone and he picks up when he sees it’s Lena.

_“What did you do?”_

“Well hello to you too” Eddie says, wondering why she’s calling after so long. The last time they spoke was when Bobby found out about the fighting.

_“First off, glad you’re alive. Second, I just got off the phone with Buck-“_

“Buck and you are friends?”

_“More like drinking and karaoke buddies. But what did you do?”_

“What do you mean?”

 _“I just got off the phone and he sounded horrible. What happened?”_ Eddie sighs and then spends the next few minutes explaining everything.

“…And I just snapped”

_“What did you say?”_

“I told him to leave me alone for a little bit. I just needed a few minutes to breathe, but I didn’t mean to lose it”

_“Ok and did he say?”_

“He had this look of heartbreak on him. I-I haven’t seen it since-“

_“What did he say, Eddie?”_

“He said that he was sorry that he was exhausting and he left”

…

“Hello?”

 _“God-fucking-damn it Diaz!”_ Eddie has to lean away from the phone in order to get away from the frustration, anger, and loudness seeping through Lena’s voice.

“What?”

_“…you don’t even remember do you?”_

“Remember what?”

 _“That’s exactly what you told him that day in the grocery store!”_ Eddie’s eyes squint in thought but then widen as he remembers _exactly_ what she means.

_Because you’re exhausting_

_We all suck it up, why can’t you?_

_Because that’s all you see_

_Exhausting…_

Eddie doesn’t hear anything else after picks up the phone he dropped on the table.

“I gotta go” Eddie hangs up the phone and drops his head in his hands. He’s apologized for that, and Buck forgave him…didn’t he? He wonders when Buck will stop paying the price for the things he’s done. He gets up to go to their shared bedroom, to…what? Apologize yes, give him a big hug and confess his real feelings on the matter? That he was only scared to show Buck how badly it was affecting him too? He didn’t want to scare Buck by letting him know how close he was to leaving him and his son all alone. He tries to steady his emotions, trying to contain them until he can talk to Buck.

“Buck?” Eddie gently knocks on the door, hoping that Buck isn’t too mad at him. He waits, but doesn’t hear a reply. He knocks again, the door opens with the light force of the knock.

“Baby?” Eddie quietly pushed the door open and sees Buck is curled up on their bed. He goes over to the other side of the bed and his heart pangs at what he sees. Buck is on their bed, asleep, and hugging Eddie’s favorite sweatshirt close to his chest. And he’s been crying, his wet cheeks and occasional sniffs are evident enough of that. Eddie’s heart breaks at the thought of making Buck cry.

He gently takes off Buck’s shoes and slides the blanket over him. Kissing him on the forehead as he tucks him in. He then gets into the bed and slowly pulls him close, burying his face into Buck’s hair.

“I’m so sorry amor…I’ll tell you everything when you wake up” Eddie promises Buck who can’t hear him. And though he wants nothing more than to shake Buck awake and scream to get everything out, he knows that Buck hasn’t been sleeping well, so he lets him rest. And it hurts knowing that Buck had to have an emotional breakdown in order to sleep.

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He wakes up to tiny hands on him. It’s familiar enough that he doesn’t panic.

“Dad…dad” Christopher says quietly and Eddie rolls over instantly.

“Hey, buddy, what’s up?” Eddie says, opening his eyes to find Buck, but doesn’t find him in the bed.

“Papa’s sad” Chris says and that wakes Eddie up in an instant.

“What do you mean?”

“I came home and went to watch TV, and I saw him crying outside on the porch. I think he needs a hug…but a really big one...I can only give small ones”

“When was this?”

“About an hour ago…is that why he’s gone?” That wakes Eddie even more.

“What do you mean gone?”

“He’s not in the house…and his keys are gone from the bowl” Chris says, and Eddie gets up to check out the window, and sure enough, Buck’s car is gone. He tries to quell the panic, knowing that Buck is an adult and can take care of himself. But that doesn’t stop him from worrying, he knows that the panic has to do with earlier. Which brings back all of the memories of the past few days, he looks over to Chris on the bed, and he feels himself relax, knowing that one of the primary reasons he came back was here in this room. He sits on the bed, and Christopher must have sensed that his dad needs a hug, so he crawls over and makes sure to hug his dad real tight.

“You ok dad?” Chris pulls back, his hand touching his dad’s face and he is once again so thankful for such a good son like Christopher.

“I’m ok bud. Just had a rough time earlier…and I think it’s affecting papa too, so when he comes home, we need to love him a little more ok?” Chris nods furiously, already determined to give Buck more love.

He makes Chris an after-school snack and helps him with his homework where he can. But Buck is usually so much better at doing this than he is.

**Buck: Be back later**

It was the only message from earlier, and Eddie wonders and hopes that Buck is ok. Eddie can tell that Buck has been having a rough time lately, and he knows it’s mostly because of him. But he knows that he would do it again in an instant. After Chris finishes his homework, he goes to play a game on his DS. Eddie is cleaning up in the kitchen and gets a call from Bobby, who takes it outside where he can still see Chris.

“…and he wasn’t home this morning. He was distant last night, he didn’t say anything, but I felt it. What do I do?”

_“Well Eddie, you know that it was rough for him right?”_

“Of course I know that I just want him to talk to me”

_“Maybe he just needs a minute to himself to get his emotions together. Almost losing someone that’s important to you can bring out so many emotions. Take it from me”_

“What do I do? I don’t want him to hurt this way”

_“Unfortunately Eddie, that’s not up to you. He just needs time, and trust me when I say this, when he’s done sorting out his emotions, that’s when he’ll need you. And I know you need him too”_

“I always need him…he knows that right?” Eddie asks, sudden hesitation in his voice.

_“Of course he knows that. You should have seen him that night Eddie, when the tunnel collapsed, he was so ready to dig you out-“_

“-I would be-“

_“-With his bare hands. He was so desperate to get to you, that he was willing to dig over 50ft down into the Earth with his bare hands. I knew you could take care of yourself, and if needed, you can get yourself out. But I was so worried about Buck”_

“…was he that bad?” Eddie asks, needing to know.

 _“I’ve never seen him so numb before. I think the last time he looked that despondent was with Chris after the tsunami.”_ This has Eddie freezing up and sitting down on the steps to the yard.

_“You ok Eddie?”_

“Yea…just realized that I need to do something important. I’ll talk to you later Bobby, and if you see Buck, please tell him I’m waiting at home for him?”

 _“Of course. Take care”_ Eddie then pulls out his phone and texts Buck, telling him to please stay safe. He thinks that Buck is taking this time to get himself together, and he hopes that he comes home. He can’t lose Buck…but he’s scared that he already did. But before he can spiral, he gets another call, it’s Hen and Chim, calling to check-in.

“I’m honestly doing ok…it just hasn’t hit me yet”

_“I hear a **but** somewhere in there”_

“But Buck was gone earlier…I don’t know where he is. Bobby thinks he’s taking some time before to sort his emotions out before coming home. I just hope he’s ok…wherever he is”

_“I’m sure he’ll be home soon Eddie. But I get it, he was inconsolable that night”_

_“Yes…Bobby had to practically drag him away from the scene. Still can’t believe you pulled a Buck. Cutting the rope is such a Buck move”_

“I needed more time. Just 5 minutes”

_…_

“Hello? You guys there?”

_“Yea we’re here…it’s just that Buck said that exact same thing last night. Bobby said to pull you up, but Buck said to give you one more minute. But Bobby pulled you up anyway. Then you cut the rope”_

_“It just shows in synch you two are”_ Hen says, voice completely devoid of teasing and full of seriousness.

“Just goes to show you, Buck has good ideas too.” Eddie says, proudness seeping through the words. “He’s been distant since the hospital”

_“He was a mess Eddie. Before he went into your room, he was still crying when we went out there. I tried to reassure him that you’re still here, but…he said something that broke my heart”_

“W-what did he say?”

…

 _“H-he asked why water takes the people he loves…Eddie I think he may have been unintentionally reminded of the tsunami.”_ Hen says and this has Eddie’s heartbreak. Of course this would be a reminder, he almost drowned in water last night…and his son almost did too.

_“Eddie you there?”_

“…I need Buck. I need to show him I’m still here”

 _“That’s probably a good idea…he was so scared you were dead Eddie. And I was scared for him, because while I know you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself, but because I know how much he loves you. I was scared for him if you didn’t make it”_ Chim says honestly, no hint of joking in his voice. Eddie bids farewell and lets the tears fall.

“Buck where are you?”

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Eddie paces his house, and it hits 6:30pm when he hears a car being locked. He practically runs to the front door and almost tears it off its hinges when he opens it. Buck looks startled at the sudden opening of the door, his hand still digging for his keys, but he looks surprised.

“Buck…” Eddie feels a weight come off of his chest when he sees Buck in front of him.

“Hey Eddie” Buck says in an almost cheerful voice, but Eddie can see the sadness behind his eyes.

“W-where have you been?” Eddie asks, and Buck looks down at himself as if it answered the question, and Eddie can see he’s carrying bags.

“I was getting groceries, we were out of stuff anyway,” Buck says as he turns around to start putting everything away.

“Buck…I’m so sorry about what I said. I-I didn’t mean to snap at you. I-I just-“ Eddie gets cut off as Buck slowly faces him, and Eddie gasps as he sees Buck crying. Tears are quietly leaking out of his eyes, more coming out as he blinks. He rubs the liquid off of his chin and looks down, letting out a soft sob. Eddie slowly approaches him, extending his arms out.

“Buck?” His name seems to be the nail in the coffin, because Buck then braces himself against the counter, more tears falling down. He lets out another sob and Eddie takes a chance, he steps into Buck’s space and pulls him into a hug. Buck instantly clings to Eddie, burying his face in his neck, pulling him closer, reassuring himself that Eddie is still here…alive.

“You’re here…it’s ok” Buck says as if he’s trying to comfort Eddie more than himself. And for the first time, Eddie can hear how raspy and hoarse Buck’s voice is, and then he remembers what Bobby said, about _screaming_ for him after he went under. Eddie hugs Buck a little tighter.

“Yes…yes I’m still here…and it’s because of you.” Eddie whispers against Buck’s ear, pulling back to cup Buck’s face. He sees Buck’s cheeks are red and wet, but he gently kissed Buck nonetheless, to further prove he’s there. But Buck just sobs into it instead of recuperating. Eddie pulls back at this, looking more concerned than before.

“Amor…sigo vivo por tu culpa…I’m still alive because of you” Eddie tries again but Buck nods his head, still crying. He sighs and gently pulls Buck to their room, sitting Buck on the bed before hugging him again.

“Eddie...fuck I’m sorry.”

“No don’t be sorry sol. I’m the one who is sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you” Eddie says, he sees his vision blurring at this. The emotions he thought he didn’t have coming up full force. He almost died…he almost died this time. Eddie then lets out a sob at this, he would have died without Buck…and what in the world would he do without Buck and his son?

“It’s ok-“

“It’s not ok sweetheart. I didn’t even think about what you have been through…again. I’m so sorry, I didn’t want you to see how scared I really was. I promise I’m not mad at you, I love you”

“I love you too” Eddie hugs Buck closer, he hears something crack with how hard he’s hugging Buck, but neither of them can bring themselves to care right now. Buck slides his hand over every inch of Eddie’s back, his hair, and skin. Eddie buries his face into Buck’s neck, inhaling the scent that is so uniquely his. Eddie looks over his shoulder and sees Chris is too preoccupied to what is happening on the TV.

Buck and Christopher…his two greatest tethers to this plane of existence would have been left alone without him. What would they think? That Eddie gave up? How would they know that he was thinking of them and the family they built? This has Eddie spiraling in sadness at the thought of what he almost lost, and in that moment, he knew what Buck was feeling. Eddie pulls back and firmly grasps Buck’s face, looking at him in the eyes, and he can see his emotions are mirrored.

“Buck…baby I’m here” That’s not what he wanted to say, but he does. He wants to say so many other things, but it’s the first thing that comes out.

“You were gone for a long time…and I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life than I did when you went under. I-I was so terrified that I was never going to see you again. And then I thought what the _fuck_ was I supposed to tell our son if you didn’t make it” Buck sobs out, hands digging furiously into his eyes. “Fuck…sorry forget about me. This is supposed to be about you and I-“ Buck gets cut off when Eddie gently grips his neck and pulls him in for a kiss, nothing too rough, just a gentle reminder that he’s still here, and to be quiet so Eddie can say something.

“It’s always about you amor-“

“I’m sor-“ Eddie kisses Buck again, his fingers tangling in his hair.

“When I was down there, I had a flashback to my past…Christopher being born, the fallout with Shannon and my parents, learning how to be a dad to a stranger, how I got my medal. The water was rising-“ Eddie can feel Buck grip his wrists tighter, and while it hurts, he allows it.

“-It was rising and I…I almost didn’t get out of there,” Eddie says, not wanting to tell Buck that he was _so close_ to losing him for good. “You know that saying, your life flashes before your eyes before death?” Buck hesitantly nods, more tears falling down his face, dripping onto his shirt. Eddie has Buck look at him:

“Every one of those memories involved Christopher, and you were in them too. It was just the kick in the ass I needed to keep fighting.”

“Eddie-“

“Because of you, I’m still here. You and Christopher are my greatest binds to here, our family-“ Eddie points in between him and Buck “Is the reason I came back.” Eddie then reaches into his bedside drawer to pull out his medal.

“This is my St. Christopher medal…Shannon gave it to me before my first deployment. I’ve kept it with me ever since, whenever I was scared I would only have to touch it and I would feel brave again. I remember Shannon telling me that my family needs me, and my immediate thought was the family we have in this home. You are my home Evan Buckley, I almost lost you numerous times, and I will fight like hell to come back to you.” Eddie finishes, putting the medal back in the drawer for safekeeping. Buck buries himself against Eddie again and tries to breathe.

“Have you been sleeping at all?” Eddie asks after a while, Buck shakes his head.

“Too scared…it-” Buck says quietly. Eddie strokes his cheek in encouragement.

“What is it?”

“I-it reminded me of the tsunami. I couldn’t sleep that night…too wound up, and even earlier…I took the nap but it didn’t help much” Buck says and Eddie frowns in understanding.

“How about this, we go out there, get started on dinner and then you will sleep on top of me. I know that helps you a lot” Buck nods as Eddie kisses him on the forehead before squeezing him close, gathering strength from each other before having to face reality for a few more hours. They hear a tiny knock at the door and they see Chris looking curiously inside the room. He slowly makes his way to where they are, as he doesn’t have his crutches. He makes it to the bed and falls into Buck’s waiting arms.

“Love you papa” Christopher says and Buck hugs him closer. Eddie watches his boys, the ones that he loves more than anything, and hugs them close. Chris pulls back to look at Buck.

“Food?”

“I was going to make lasagna tonight”

“With the secret ingredient meat sauce?” Chris asks, his eyes lighting up.

“Yep, and I need an assistant in the kitchen.”

“I can do it!” Chris says raising his hand in excitement. Buck smiles and carries him into the kitchen, Eddie’s hand not leaving Buck’s back once.

{~}{~}

“Do you want to try and sleep with me? I’m still exhausted” Eddie says, but it’s the truth. Eddie didn’t slip that deep into sleep like he normally does, the water surrounding him and threatening to suffocate him. He holds Buck a little tighter at the thought that he knows what the tsunami must have felt like. Buck nods in response at the question. Eddie then carefully takes Buck’s shirt off before his own, and Buck instantly lies on top of Eddie, putting his ear to his chest, him relaxing at the mere sound of Eddie’s heartbeat. He lifts his head up to place a kiss on his chest, right over his heart. Eddie sniffs as he hugs Buck close to him.

“I can’t believe I almost lost you…it was too close this time Eddie. I cannot live without you anymore. I remember life before you, and I can’t go back to that…not again”

“I can’t promise I won’t be put in danger, because that’s our jobs, but I can promise you this-“ Eddie cups Buck’s neck and encourages him to look at him. Eddie brings Buck down to touch foreheads “I promise I’m always gonna fight to come home to my family” Eddie says and Buck quietly nuzzles him.

“I love you Eddie Diaz”

“I love you too Evan Buckley” Eddie then angles his head up a little to confirm the statement with a kiss. They don’t break apart, but they don’t go further either, just thankful to be doing this in the first place. They slowly exchange innocent kisses, just to assure themselves that this is real and not some fear-induced dream. Hands roaming each other’s body, not wanting to leave an inch of space between them. They finish off the soft session, and Buck nuzzles into Eddie’s chest, sighing at the sound of his still-beating heart. Buck can feel Eddie begin to sag under him, so he breathes deeply and finds himself nodding off too.

{~}{~}

Eddie jolts awake in bed. Having a dream about walls and cold dark waters. He checks his phone and sees a notification from his Instagram account. He sees Lena has mentioned him in a comment from a video.

 _“Hope you fixed it. If not, then look at this”_ Eddie is confused because what is she talking about? He pushes the video to sees what it is.

 _“If you are just tuning in, the boy in the well has just been brought to the surface and is being checked over by paramedics before letting him go back to his family. Now we are just waiting for-“_ The woman on the screen is interrupted when there is a big thunderous roar in the sky, and the skylights up. A bolt of lightning strikes near them and the ground shakes. Everyone ducks to the floor and the camera is dropped to the floor, the image is blurring in and out of focus.

 _“Eddie? Eddie!”_ He perks up at his name being screamed by Buck. Everyone had told him about what happened, and that Buck had sounded desperate, but he didn’t know that it was this bad. Buck sounded despondent, and desperate. Eddie feels tears welling up in his eyes when he sees Buck still trying to dig his way into the ground.

 _“Eddie! No…NO EDDIE!”_ Eddie feels his heartbreak when he hears the screaming and he wants nothing more than to _comfort_ the Buck he sees on screen. He sits up and wipes the tear falling down his face.

 _“EDDIE!”_ He winces at the way Buck’s voice breaks halfway through screaming his name, now understanding why his voice was so hoarse when he heard him after coming up. His chest bursts with emotions when he sees Buck crying into the ground, pounding the dirt, hoping to find Eddie. He then sees Bobby come over and pull Buck away. He’s wearing the same devastated expression that Eddie saw when he saw Buck outside the triage center.

_“I can’t leave him!”_

_“We’re not going to”_ Eddie lets out a small sob when he sees Buck collapse against Bobby’s legs, Eddie wants nothing more than to reach through the screen and hug the man he loves, but he can’t. He hoped to never see that look on Buck again, the tsunami was enough, but now this? Eddie sighs as he turns to the other side, reaching an arm out to grab Buck and pull him closer, he’s met by cold sheets again.

“Buck?” Eddie asks in a groggy voice, he lifts his head a little and looks around the room, which is bathed in darkness from the windows outside. He looks to the bathroom and sees no light spilling from under the door. He sits up, looking at the clock, which reads 11:45. He’s only been asleep 2 hours. Eddie rubs the sleep out of his eyes, he does feel much better than he did…but where is Buck this time? He goes into the hallway and is stopped when he hears something, he stops and tries to listen closer.

_It’s crying…and talking?_

Eddie, without shoes, quietly makes his way towards the sounds. He stops at the end of the hallway, showing the dining room. His heart breaks when he sees Buck at the table. His shoulders are shaking, he’s on the phone with someone, and Eddie can hear the sniffs and the wet exhales. All he wants to do is gather Buck into a hug, but he feels this conversation is private, he’s about to leave but stops when Buck speaks to the person on the other line.

“I wasn’t the one that almost died…I hate feeling this way”

…

“Of course I was scared…I’ve never been so terrified in my entire life”

…

“I-I really thought I lost him…I know I didn’t. He sleeping in the other room right now, and I should feel happy…but I can’t stop crying every time I think about what could have happened.”

…

“He says that this scared him too, but I feel like I’m more affected by this than he is and I don’t know what to do.” Eddie feels himself break when he sees Buck try and silence a sob by placing a hand over his mouth. “I don’t want to wake him up, he hasn’t been sleeping well. And I know he missed his son a lot, I make sure he’s there. He has all he needs”

And doesn’t that just break his heart even more, while Christopher is exactly what he needed, he needs Buck too. He thought he was pretty clear about that earlier, that the reason he came back was all in this house. The family they’ve built together.

…

“I think so too…I’m just so tired” And that sends all kinds of alarms ringing in Eddie’s head. How long has he been feeling this way?

“Not just physically tired…just emotionally? Maybe mentally? This is the second time I almost lost someone I love to water…first my son and now my partner? I-I can’t lose them…I love them both”

…

“Yea he knows…at least I hope he does.”

…

“I just want to make sure he’s still alive…but I’m scared I’m going to hover too much again. I don’t want to be exhausting”

…

“Thank you…sorry for bothering you Maddie. Talk to you later” Buck hangs up the call and places it on the table. He rubs the tears out of his eyes and gets up from the table. Pushing the chair in and is turning around to go back to the bedroom. Eddie shuffles backwards until he’s out of sight, but he stops when Buck makes his way outside. He quietly opens the sliding door before closing it again, he then sits on the porch step and Eddie sees his shoulders start to shake again.

Eddie then sighs as he tries to compose himself. Because while yes this whole situation is hard on Eddie, it’s even harder on Buck. He’s been on the reverse side of this situation too many times to count, and he never wished for Buck to feel the same type of grief and guilt. Knowing that someone you cherish is in danger, and you can’t do anything about it but stand by and watch. He felt that way when Buck was under the fire truck…and then the embolism. Eddie had felt so helpless each and every time Buck was put in danger. And now Buck has learned the hard way what it’s like to be the other person. Luckily, Eddie has plenty of experience in how to handle an emotionally wrecked Buck.

Eddie is startled by the sudden burst of thunder that seems to come out of nowhere. He then hears hard pattering against the room for the house and he knows that it’s raining. He quickly checks in and sees that Christopher is still dead asleep against his teddy bear. He closed the door before looking outside to where Buck is and is startled when he sees Buck standing in the middle of the yard, with only a short-sleeved shirt and shorts. The rain is strong against him, and Eddie becomes even more scared when he sees Buck fall to his knees.

Without even thinking, he rushes outside, grabs Buck by the arms and pulls him inside. At least he tries to before Buck starts to fight against him.

“Buck…baby come on you’re going to get sick. You need to come inside” Eddie says a little more in an authoritative voice, but it seems that it makes the situation worse. He struggles even harder against Eddie, trying to go back out into the rain.

“Buck…stop!” Eddie tries desperately.

“No! I won’t leave him, Eddie!” This has Eddie freezing, and with this, he loosens the grip he has on Buck, who uses it to run out into the rain again and start pounding into the muddy grass. Eddie snaps out of it and tries to pull him back. Buck fights back even harder, and while Eddie knows it’s never a good idea to hold someone down during a flashback, he wraps his arms around Buck, pinning his arms to his side.

“Eddie! No! No! Eddie!” He wants to cry at the mere desperation and fear he hears in Buck’s voice, screaming for _him_.

“I’m here Buck…I’m right here!” Eddie says over the roar of thunder. Buck falls to his knees under the safety of the awning. He weakly tries to climb back to where the lawn is, but Eddie stops him.

“Buck...it’s me cariño. It’s me, I’m right here. Come back to me…please. I need you…I need my baby, Christopher needs his papa. Come back” Eddie says, hoping with everything that it’s enough to bring Buck back. He looks back to him when he feels Buck cease his struggling. Buck then looks confused for a moment before reaching out to touch Eddie’s face. Fingertips barely grazing his cheek, Eddie giving a weak smile before repeating the same actions, gently stroking Buck’s cheek, feeling the stubble growing there.

“Eddie?” Buck asks hoarsely and he nods.

“Yea it’s me, Buck, I’m here” Buck stares for a moment longer before launching himself into Eddie, who would have found it uncomfortable considering they were both soaking wet, but he didn’t care. He needed to show Buck that he was safe. Eddie kisses the side of Buck’s head.

“Amor…we need to go inside before you get sick. It’s ok” Eddie says, pulling Buck to his feet and leading him into the bathroom. He turns on the light and he can see that Buck is all dirty. His white shirt is caked with rain and mud from being in the mud, and his shorts aren’t that far off either.

“Oh, Buck…let’s get you out of these” Eddie says as he gets Buck out of the wet clothes. Buck complies quietly, lifting his arms when Eddie takes his shirt off and helping him take off his clothes before dressing him into dry ones. He repeats the same actions, pulling clean clothes out of the laundry basket. He hears a sob behind him and is alarmed when Buck is sitting against the wall in the fetal position, crying.

“Buck…sweetheart?” Eddie kneels in front of him, putting a hand on his knee. Buck looks up and Eddie feels his heart squeeze in pain when he sees the hurt and anguish in Buck’s eyes. Eddie slowly raises his hands before cupping his face.

“I’m sorry,” Buck says first, but before Eddie can say something, Buck continues. “I-I know we cleared this up earlier b-but I can’t stop thinking about how I-I almost l-lost you. A-and I know you’re here but I just can’t stop th-thinking about how you could -have died!” Buck sobs out and Eddie feels himself crying at this.

“Buck…come here,” Eddie says as he leans back. Buck sniffs and crawls into Eddie’s lap. He molds himself against Eddie and cries into his shoulder, gripping his shirt like a lifeline.

“I’m sorry Eddie…I know we talked earlier, and I know you’re here alive-“ Buck pulls back to trace where Eddie’s heart is, closing his eyes when he feels it beat under his hands. “I-I had a nightmare, I lost you and Chris in the tsunami and I couldn’t find either of you…I was all alone” Buck’s voice breaks again at that word. Eddie’s face is wet with tears, he hates that Buck is scared like this again.

“Buck-“ Eddie tries again but then Buck stares at him before looking down. “Amor? Talk to me”

“I-I hate you-“ that hurt, but Eddie knows that he doesn’t mean it. “-for scaring me like that”

“Buck-“

“I’m mad at you” Buck’s face falls as he weakly lifts an unclenched fist and hits Eddie in the chest. It doesn’t hurt, not even a little.

“I know”

“I’m really… _really_ mad at you” Buck puts a little pressure to where his fist is, to know that he means it.

“I had to cut the rope…I needed a little more time” Eddie tries to comfort, but this just makes it worse. Eddie looks alarmed, he rubs his hands up and down Buck’s arms.

“That’s exactly what I told them…but they didn’t _listen_ to me. And after, I wanted to come to get you, but they sent Chim down instead. Hen said that they would end up with two cut lines…I would never-“

“I wish it was you…the whole time, I was having flashbacks to Afghanistan, and I know that if you were down there with me, maybe it wouldn’t have happened.”

“You almost drowned…” Eddie nods, tears falling down his face.

“First Christopher…and now you. Why does the water always take away the people I love?” Eddie sits there with a look of disbelief and shock on his face. He looks down to meet Buck’s eyes, and when he doesn’t Eddie takes Buck’s face in between his face and brings him to eye level.

“You saved Chris…and you saved me. I told you earlier that you’re one of the reasons I’m here. The other one is in his room right now, and I’ll bet he’ll say the same thing…I saw a video of you after I went under…I’ve never seen you so desperate to get to me before” Eddie says and Buck grips Eddie’s shirt tight under his knuckles turn white.

“I’ve never felt so numb in my entire life than when I thought I lost you,” Buck says, looking up at Eddie, tearing welling up in his eyes again. It’s a look that Eddie never wants to see again. Buck has been alternating between dry and wet tears all night, making his skin a little paler than usual. His birthmark stark red against his skin. Eddie reaches up to gently caress the area.

“I’m mad at you-“ Eddie nods as Buck repeats himself. “-and at myself…and maybe a little bit at the others. I wanted to dig down to get you out, but they were making a plan…they were taking too long and I knew that I was going to lose you if they waited too long. They were looking at me with fucking _sympathy_ …they were you _dead_ Eddie.” Buck grips his hair, breathing rapidly and Eddie is afraid that Buck is going to have another panic attack.

“Buck-“

“They were so close to giving up on you, Bobby was talking to us as if it was a recovery…not a rescue and I’ve never felt so hopeless since Christopher. And I was so scared that I would have to come home without you…and I cannot d-do that. I need you” Buck grips the front of his shirt, ignoring the pain of his legs from the position. “We need you, Edmundo Diaz…I need you” Without thinking, Eddie leans forward to gently capture Buck’s lips with his own, griping his neck to bring him closer. Eddie leans back after a moment.

“I need you too…you have me. You have me, Buck. And I was scared too. The radio wasn’t working, and I thought that everyone left me down there. But I knew you would _never_ give up on me.” Eddie hesitates to say this next part, but he has to get it out. “I did think I was going to die down there. I couldn’t hold my breath any longer and for one second, I let go. But then my memories of LA came back to me. I thought of the family I found in the 118, and the family I have in you and Christopher. Even though I didn’t in the beginning.”

“W-what do you mean?” Buck asking, wiping his nose with some bath tissue.

“I was deployed one week after Christopher was born. I left Shannon and Christopher all alone, sure they had my parents and she had her mom but they weren’t good enough. When I came back, I found out about his CP, and I reenlisted…without even telling her” Eddie looks down, feeling the everlasting shame creep up into his subconscious. He feels hands on his neck and when he blinks back, he’s in his bed, the blanket that he keeps by the end of the bed is wrapped around him.

“And I think that’s where everything else went wrong. It took her leaving for me to get my shit together and step up. And I think…that maybe it would have been different if we actually talked when she came back, maybe it would have been different…I wish it was different” Eddie says, looking down.

“…me too,” Buck says, casting his gaze away but looks back when he feels Eddie’s hand on his cheeks, silently turning him back to him.

“Azulito*…you know I don’t regret us right?” Eddie asks and Buck nods, holding Eddie’s hands in place.

“Of course I do. I mean I wish it was different too. That Christopher would still have his mom, and maybe if you went about it differently, maybe you wouldn’t be holding so much guilt about how things went.” Buck says, tracing a pattern over Eddie’s heart. Another one of Buck’s idiosyncrasies that Eddie finds comfort in.

“What was it like down there?” Buck asks, and though Eddie never wants to talk about it, he knows he has to in order to move forward. Buck can sense Eddie’s hesitation and brings him into his chest. Eddie sighs and closes his eyes, gathering strength.

“We don’t have to talk about it if-“

“No, we do…I have to. I-I was terrified” Eddie then goes on to explain everything that happened from his perspective. About how he thought he was trapped and it immediately triggered a series of flashbacks from his past. Buck held him through it all, blinking back tears when he heard of Eddie’s struggles back in Texas, learning to be a father to a kid that didn’t knew him, how devastated and angry he felt at Shannon for leaving them. But years after, he understood why she left.

“-After that, I told him that I wasn’t going to leave him alone…and I almost did” Eddie then sits up and away from Buck. “I almost left you alone...what would have happened if I was gone?” Eddie then panics as he realizes this, that he would have no idea to know that if his boys would be ok without him.

“Eddie, look at me…please?” Buck waits until Eddie is looking at him, “I don’t want to think about what might have happened to us if you were gone. I never want to think about that, and never want that to be a reality”

“Me either”

“I’m really glad you’re here with me”

“Me too” Buck lies back down on the bed and Eddie follows him. They hold hands in the middle, staring at each other, getting lost in the eyes, as cheesy as that sounds. Buck resumes tracing patterns over Eddie’s heart while getting head scratches by Eddie.

“What are you staring at?” Eddie asks when Buck hasn’t taken his eyes off of him. Buck stops the tracing and sits upon the bed. Suddenly worried, Eddie sits up too, turning on the light.

"Here's the thing...we wake up every day and we all have to take the same terms and conditions box. Every day stuff happens to us, some good, some bad, some really awful. Choice is less about what happens than it is about how we deal with it" Buck lets out a breath of nervousness and gets up from the bed and leaves the room. Not a minute later he comes back.

“Buck…where is this coming from?” Eddie asks, wondering what the hell is happening.

"I've been thinking a lot about the things that have happened to us over this past year. My accident...the tsunami, our fallout, getting together. I'm not gonna lie Eddie, sometimes it's terrifying...and sometimes it's incredibly exciting. It's been maddening, enlightening, confusing, and very very unpredictable."

Eddie feels himself tearing up at this because all of this is true. Buck then crawls back up on the bed and sits in front of Eddie. The atmosphere is changing. And Eddie knows that if the circumstances were different, he would have felt extremely uncomfortable at the mere vulnerability that is happening between them right now. In another life, the intimacy in the air may have been suffocating, but now, all Eddie wants to do is get lost in it. He stares at Buck who is settling in front of him.

"However, I don't think there has been a single day, when I didn't hear a voice in my head, telling me...whatever you do, do not let them go," Buck says taking Eddie's hand as he chuckles, tears building up in his eyes at the beauty of Buck's words. He sees Buck slowly exhaling nervously as he brings something from behind his back. Eddie stares at Buck, then looks down when Buck looks at him, a tear slipping down his face.

“Eddie Diaz-“ Buck opens a small matte black box, that contains a single gold ring with a line of blue going down the middle “-Will you marry me?” Eddie gasps softly at the same time he lets out a sob. He tries to breathe but fails to contain the tears.

“Ay Dios mio…oh my god. I don’t believe this” Eddie turns away from Buck, who feels like he did this at the absolute wrong time. But stops that train of thought when he sees Eddie lean over the side of the bed and takes out a lockbox from under the bed.

“What is it?” Buck asks as Eddie comes up. He puts in the combination and opens it, closing it after pulling out an identical box. Buck lets out a soft gasp when Eddie opens it to reveal an identical gold ring with a line of hazel in the middle.

“Evan Buckley…will _you_ marry me?”

“Abso-fuckin-lutely yes” Buck cries out as Eddie slips the ring on his finger. It’s a perfect fit.

“Will you?” Buck asks, looking up at Eddie, who takes Buck’s head in his hands.

“Every day of my life,” Eddie says as Buck slides the ring on Eddie. They stare at their intertwined hands before making eye contact. They break out into fits of teary-eyed laughter before Buck kneels forward to grip his now fiancee’s face and pepper his lips with fast kisses. Eddie holds Buck’s head in place before gently pushing him down on the bed.

“I thought you were gonna say no…”

“I could never say no to my baby,” Eddie says, stroking the side of Buck’s face tenderly.

“You looked so shocked…thought I did this at the wrong time” Buck admits quietly.

“Only because I was supposed to do this first”

“Huh?”

“Tomorrow over breakfast, Christopher was going to ask you to come to his show-n-tell. Then afterward I was going to take us to the beach, and then I would propose to you there.”

“You’re such a sap”

“Yea but I’m your sap,” Eddie says and Buck laughs before looking at Eddie again.

“You’re sure about this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just went through a bad experience, I don’t want you to say yes if you’re not 100% sure”

“After everything we’ve been through together, I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life” Buck smiles up at Eddie and loses his fingers in Eddie’s hair. Bringing him down to kiss him before wanting to roll over and sleep, but it seemed that Eddie had other plans. He slowly deepens the kiss, taking his time to silently show Buck just how much he means to him, how much he loves him. Eddie had never been strong with his words, Buck being the more vocal one for both of them. So while Eddie can never seem to express the amount of love he holds for Buck, he always shows him in the actions he does.

_Actions speak louder than words_

So they both take the time to languidly exchanged heated kisses in the quiet of their bedroom. Eddie silently taking off both their shirts as skin to skin contact always adds to the intimacy they crave after an emotional day. Their hands roaming around their partners’ bodies as if exploring it for the first time. Eddie’s scarred and calloused hands are rough against the miles of smoothness of Buck’s chest. Eddie unconsciously rubbing over Buck’s tattoos as he turns into putty underneath him. And Buck seemingly soft large hands exploring the lines and ridges of Eddie’s arms and back. Nails gently scraping over his neck, down his chest, and to the sides of his back.

Their hands intertwining as Eddie gently pins them both to the side of Buck’s head, boxing him in under Eddie. They both know they can’t go any further because of Christopher down the hall, but Eddie gently nuzzles, licks, and kisses every inch of Buck’s lips, neck, chest, and stomach. Smiling when Buck arches his back when he grinds his hips against his, drinking in the quiet moans and gasps with his kisses. They both continue like this, exchanging kisses, grinding hips, and slow remapping of each other’s body. Eddie sees stars after grinding his hips against Buck’s one last time and he knows that Buck isn’t far behind. Eddie watches as Buck’s face scrunches up in anticipation and shudders as he finishes, panting and opening his eyes to see Eddie in the moonlight.

Eddie pants above Buck before smiling and leaning his forehead against the man under him. They both smile as they find themselves again.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Eddie asks, looking at Buck as he rolls off of him, settling on his side of the bed.

“You were you,” Buck says honestly, taking Eddie’s hand as their matching rings glow. Eddie stares at the ring before speaking.

“Is this where you were all day?”

“Yea…I’m done wasting time Eddie.”

“Me too Buck…I just hope I don’t mess this up again”

“You once told me that the lack of communication was one of the main downfalls of your relationship with Shannon. You’re learning Eddie, that’s what’s important” Buck says, softly kissing his hand. “You’re taking it one day at a time, and I’m very proud of you” Eddie’s heart bursts at this simple sentence, but it means the world to know that he has Buck’s support, just like he has his. Eddie doesn’t know what to say, so he leans forward to place a chaste kiss to Buck.

“Thank you for believing in me”

“Always...and if anyone should be nervous, it’s me. I’m sure I’ll mess up for the both of us”

“Baby you need to have more faith in yourself”

“You say that because you love me, and love has made you dumb,” Buck says but Eddie knows he’s kidding by the tone of his voice, but he plays along anyway.

“I disagree. If anything, love has made me smarter. Remember last week when I boiled that egg?”

“That was big, I was really proud of you”

“The point is...we can do this. We’ve faced worse.”

“Yea...I love you”

“Love you too”

He’ll still get the nightmares from his time down under, and he knows those might not go away anytime soon. But he can’t help but finally feel completely warm, the persistent chill that never seemed to go away has disappeared. Looks like the two people that were meant to warm him up were right in front of him the whole time.

{~}{~}

 _🎵_ _And nothing matters when we're dancing_

_In tat or tatters, you're entrancing_

_Be we in Paris or in Lansing_

_Nothing matters when we're dancing_

_Nothing matters when we're dancing 🎵_

* * *

That episode FUCKED ME UP.

*Azulito is not a real Spanish word but it essentially means **tiny blues.** It's is a nickname my cousin calls his boyfriend because of his blue eyes.

Based on the song: _Nothing Matters When We're Dancing_ by The Magnetic Fields ([Sense8 version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaeTIkzNvT8))

Buck's proposal speech is 100% inspired by [Nomi and Amanita's proposal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OBPWXtL5fw) in Sense8.

Thanks for reading! Feel Free to comment!

Come visit me on my [Tumblr](https://chitownwolf.tumblr.com/)!


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